Penetration Station

Matt, if you want an easy art class take Intro to Music with Mills and Chan. This class is like elementary gym. Mills is a pushover beatnik and Chan is a fucking space cadet. When I took the class I got a 102%, they actually put an A+ on my report card. They offer extra credit, and all you have to do is say you went, it don't matter if you did or not. If you want a cake course, this is it.

Scott sounds like you have some issues dude. However if you want to hear a disturbing rant listen to this: "I want you to shoot me. It's what I want. Yours will be the sweating hand
that gets me out of the mess that I cannot. You will be the hero in the
heaving dream. You are my only hope. When the bullet rips through my brain,
all the filth and shame and guilt will fall away. The great weight will fall
off my shoulders. I can't live with all these people on the planet. I
understand it's me with the problem. I can't afford to kill them all so i want
you to kill me. Exterminate me. I am the one of a kind who cannot take it,
who will not take it. I am outnumbered, millions to me. There's no way out
except all the way out." You see there are some people with some serious issues on this campus. This was copied from one of the ruggers IM away messages, I'd tell you who but it could mean my own death, he showed me the knife.

I wish I had a full account of what happened last weekend but unfortunately I blacked out again. The men and womens rugby teams went down to Nash Bash and had a hell of a time. Fortunately there was only one Oaf that puked on the bus this year and in case anyone was wondering, yes he did pass out on the toilet in Arby's. After getting slaughtered by North Dakota's rugby team we began to drink and drink heavily. I'm not exactly sure what transpired after the game because by 7 my mind was gone. However the next morning when I woke up I was told of my exploits the night before. Somehow I managed to get myself kicked out of the hotel, which makes 2 out of the last 3 weekends. I guess some woman came and told me to shut up because she had to get up early the next morning and I said to her "I don't fucking care, I don't." Now this doesn't sound that bad but for some reason I didn't have any clothes on. So Hotel management came up to get me and I was streaking the halls or some shit and yada yada yada, I got kicked out. I also managed to scale a 10 foot fall in the buff as well. Also the hotel was upset because they had to drain the hot tub the next morning because we spilled so much beer in it. The next morning I woke up at like 8 and had a splitting headache. However I soon found relief in the form of a case of Natty light that the girls found on the bus earlier in the morning. I managed to polish off 6 disgustingly warm Nattie's just in time to go to our game. Luckily when we got there the other team was more drunk than we were so we ended up beating them. I wish this story would have been better but I remember none of it. THe moral of the story is come watch us play for the Northern Division championship this Saturday at the IM fields against Eastern Kentucky at 1:00, and bring your beer because drinking during the game is not only allowed it is encouraged.

Jessica proves an age old fact -- An old cow would rather put out than be put out to the pasture. Anyhow I have a test tommorrow so I think I might begin to study for that but let me leave you with just one thought. Please do not view this website if you are pregnant or expecting to become pregnant, have heart conditions or have been found to be clinically SANE. Everyones new and favorite fetish the Pink Sock. This technique comes with the Gimp's stamp of sexual approval.

If not for Bort's blog I would have never remembered that St. Patty's day even happened. You must understand that I have the worst memory out of any human being in recent history. I mean at 4pm I rarely remember what I ate that morning. I also have some sort of fucked up concept of time when I think that things that happened weeks ago actually happened yesterday. I also black-out almost everytime I drink, so my stories do not belong to me they actually belong to my friends. I'm serious I can have 1 beer and without getting buzzed I will forget the whole night from then on, Im not talking in hour here or there I'm talking the whole god damn night. So am I screwed or what. Anyhow let me continue my story before I foget. On St. Patty's day I go out to the bar with my buddy and his Dad which some people know as Russ. Anyone that has met Russ will understand that by 8 he was so drunk that we had to remove him from the bar because he kept giving old women nipple twist. When we got him home he had the most impressive pass out maneuver I have seen in a while. He bent over to take off his shoe and just face planted, and thats exactly where we left him and exactly where we found him 6 hours later. So we get my buddies girlfriend to drive us back to the bar. About an hour into our return Im conversing with my buddies girlfriend when this lady in her mid-40's starts hootin and hollerin in my general direction. I don't look up because I think that she is talking to some dude that is standing behind me. She continues her primal howls and I continue to ignore her until she approaches me, lifts my chin and slips me the tongue. I raise up like what the fuck and she says "You be safe tonight gorgeous, if you need somewhere to sleep call me" then winks and walks away. I had never seen this woman in my life let alone ever talked to her. My buddies girlfriend keeled over laughing like it was a fucking joke, it isn't funny getting kissed by some old woman with a mustache. Fortunately we left the bar minutes later when my buddy, who was semi-sober when we arrived, claimed that he was no longer able to see because he was so sloshed.

There is only one man more amazing than the pirate that Matt met in Barbados and that is my roommate. You may remember him from a few of my previous posts, he is a true philanthropist. He is the one that freaks unattractive women because he believes that he ups room morale and does the she-creatures a service that they would otherwise not receive without dishing out some loot. He also is the one responsible for slaying the sexual dragon that is a hideous 35 year old woman, oh yeah and he mader her call him her fucking daddy while he blindly pounded away. So what makes him more amazing than the pirate you ask, the answer is his spring break story. Everyone enjoys a good spring break story and I must admit that his tops the list because his story started with "I came in her Teddy Bear's fucking face." Yes, that is correct he is lude and crude. Why would a man blow his load in the face of an innocent Teddy Bear? As I have indicated he is a very cheritable man which would lead you to believe that maybe the Teddy Bear was thirsty or in need of a protein supplement. No his reasons are much more dark and devious. He decided to degrade the Teddy Bear because its owner gave a terrible hand job. So there you have it. If that doesn't make you cooler than a pirate than I don't know what does.

I must say that I had a rather short but eventful spring break. My story is not from my own memory but is compiled from bits and pieces of the memories of the people that shared my company over a week ago. My story begins and ends with the Canadian border patrol along the Winsdor-Detroit line. When we first arrive the dick at the booth ask me for my drivers license and proof of my American citizenship. So I hand the gentlement my ID and my social security card. He hands back my social security card and tells me that he needs proof of my American Citizenship, which to Canadia consists of your passport, birth certificate or voter registration card. When I heard that I told the guy you gotta be kidding me, Youll take my voters registration card but not my social security card. This asshole tells me to shut up and give him what he wants. So being the kind respectful person that I am I reach into my wallet and pull out a card that proclaims "Certified Sex Instructor, First Lesson Free" and politely hand it to the idiot. He goes fuckin nuts and tells us that we have to get searched. After the strip search, which involved no penetration we were allowed to cross into the wonderful world of Canucks over an hour later. Im extremely pissed so I start to swill beer like an Irish Man. By the time we are able to go to the bars me and most of my buddies can barely stand. The first bar we go to the bouncer asks one of my friends to take a sobriety test, that he fails miserably. The bouncer kicks him out, which prompts me to bitch him out and consequently gets me kicked out as well. Then I discover that I don't have my license so I draw my face on a piece of paper and try to use that at a few bars, needless to say that doesn't go over to well. Finally one of my buddies takes me back to the hotel to get my ID but we don't have a key so security escorts us up to the room. I start tearing through everybodies shit and the securtiy gaurd tells me to stop, so I slammed the door in his face and told him to shut the fuck up. He uses his key to get in and starts giving me shit so I proceed to throw a haymaker at this asshole which fortunately misses. Just then two of my other buddies drag the limp drunk body of my fast ass friend back to the room. They stop me but I proceed to poke the cop in the chest asking him if he thinks Im sexy and wants to see me on the internet. He decided to go for back up when I told him "I'm going to fuck you till you love me faggot." By the time he returns with an actual Mountme I am pissing on the girls door next door while screaming "Im Rick James Bitch let me in, Im rich bitch enjoy." At this point my other friends come pull me, cock out and all, into the room. The Mountme tells us that he doesn't need to put up with our shit and that he could either take us to the Mountme station or escort us back to the Unite states. So we chose the latter and upon our leaving the guy at the border patrol told us not to come back. That is only half of the story because I couldn't possibly get into it all on this post but like Alex mentions my buddy and I woke up with bloody and bruised faces. I can only assume that it was from the security guard or some bouncer that tried to get fresh with me. So blame canada because everythings went wrong since Canada came along.

Fuckin right doggy! Once again I didn't miss class, although I thought that I had until I read Allison's blog. It may some unrealistic and outlandish but I have not missed a class in like forever. I thought that the streak was going to come to an end today when I woke up in a stupor. I ended up creepin down to the bar last night and didn't get back until 4 in the morn. So this morning I was uncapable of putting on clothes let alone going to class. However, I knew I could count on Gilbie to bail me out of this one.
On another note, the disturbed individual that I call a roommate kept another steak alive. What streak you ask? Hooking up with wretched looking chicks. I don't know if any of you remember Captain Planet but this girl was a dead ringer for Hoggish Greedly. Unfortunately I was unaware of this dastardly deed until this morning when my sluggish roommate mentioned to me that he was awoken by what he could only describe as wimpering. He crept into the hallway to see what all of the commotion was about and heard ungodly moans coming from the room, needless to say he cried himself to sleep. But the action doesn't stop there. There is more to this night, something about a girl trying to break down my asexual roommates door and, I believe her exacted words were "bang his little metrosexual brains out." But that is another story for another time.

Apocope - As we gather tonight, hundreds of thousands of American
servicemen and women are deployed across the world in the war
on terror.

Cutting from the end - As we gather tonight, hundreds of thousands of American servicemen and women are deployed across the world in the war on terror.

Deesis- so I urge you to pass legislation to modernize our
electricity system, promote conservation, and make America less
dependent on foreign sources of energy.

Apodixis - Job training is important, and so is job creation. We must
continue to pursue an aggressive, pro-growth economic agenda.


Apodioxis - It is tempting to believe that the danger is behind us. That hope is understandable, comforting - and false.

Prosopopoeia - America is on the offensive against the terrorists who started this was.

Verborum bombus - Americans are proving once again to be the hardest working people in the world.

The cutted comma – N/A
Hyperbole – N/A
Hypophora – N/A
Hypotyposis – N/A
Prosomoasia – N/A
Prosopographia – N/A
Tricolon – N/A

I was justing readings Matt's blog and I must say that it has some interesting yet far-fetched info. If we are expected to have such an overabundance of jobs in the next 5 years how is that almost every senior on this campus is busting their balls trying to find employment. I'm sure that not all those jobs are the complete shit that Bush plans to throw at immigrants. Also, how many people are on welfare again. Don't get me wrong because I am completely for helping people out and giving them a fair chance to succeed but if there are going to be so many damn jobs why don't we flush that program and the Immigrant work program and just give those jobs to Americans that need them, kill two birds with one stone. The last thing that I want to deal with is another fuckin Elian Gonzales incident because I don't think that I could take another. Dont even get me started on Elian Gonzales or however the hell you spell his name. However, it could replace the top story on CNN today which - was what Micheal Jackson likes to drink on flights? Come on CNN, What the Fuck?

Hey Alex, I'm extremely interested in knowing how this scuffle in ValueCity erupted. I can understand gettin froggy at a strip joint or the bar but ValueCity, what is happening to America. Was it a worker giving you shit or another patron. I'll tell you what, American needs to stop bitching about Janet's tit and start worrying about fights starting in ValueCity because that is the true indicator that the world has gone to shit.

As Jordan pointed out in his blog, Naked Week continues. The support of Naked Week has grown tremendously over the week. It started with 2 daring young men strolling east quad in the buff smoking cigars. As the word spread a tiny group streaked the quad the on Tuesday. Now the streakers have amassed an army of nudists that are attempting to take back the hill. Last night the festivities reached deep into the hearts of Crawford, East, Sawyer and Shep. People come to cheer and people come to throw water balloons. As long as the crowd has fun so do the streakers. Streaking opportunities are open to anyone interested, in fact I believe that last night I saw a midget sized Santa Claus streaking and even a chick with a dick. You never know what those she-males will get themselves into. Just remember that the week is not over and the spirit never dies it only multiplies, so feel free to rock it with your cock out for the remainder of the week. For any inquistive minds, yes there are award for streaker of the year.

I thought that I had it bad but I was reading Allison's blog and I think she one upped me. I feel bad now, it seems like Allison has had everything go wrong with her that possibly can. Sucks to be you, well I'm sure it doesn't but in the pain and sickness situation I mean. I myself currently suffer from a herniated disc and I have also fell victim to every dislocation, separation and fracture that is humanly possible. Last year I dislocated my shoulder during a rugby game and somehow it got lodged above my rotator cuff so the referee had to yank it down and put it back into place, I looked like fucking Frankenstein. The moral of the story is that Rugby practice started outside so we are back to hitting and I feel like shit. Every part of my body aches and I am just counting the seconds until my worthless body suffers anther setback. Well once again tonight is a part of Naked Week. We had a good showing last night, but tonight is the kicker. Check East quad again tonight same bat time same bat channe., I'm sure you will here the cheering. So come out and support your local streakers.

I almost totally forgot about my groups meeting with Gilbie until I read Christine's blog. Gilbie definately helped us take a stance on gun control that doesn't make it sound like a bill for gun control. Those sneaky politicians, never estimate the sneakness. However the best aspect of the meeting was atmosphere. First off, I don't know if I'm the only idiot that hasn't been in that new building or not but Monday was my first experience with Burton Morgan. So, Im searching through this joint trying to find Gilbie's office, and when I finally find it I think he's no there. However upon a closer review I see that he sitting in his office. Why was I confused you ask, because he had on some fucking pimp lighting, I mean the mood was set and I didn't know what I was in for. So I knock on the door, which is locked so I can only assume he is checking out some fetish pornsite, come on you can admit Gilbie. Before he comes to unlock the door he turns the music way down, however when he opens it up it is still blasting Techno music. You talk about living the fuckin life. I think Gilbie just helped me decide what I want to do with my future. What other job offers you the chance to sit in an office, blast techno music and search the web for fetish porn. I can't think of one. Thanks Gilbie, I owe you one.

Today I am overjoyed because the new wonderful, outrageously sinful reality TV show "Forever Eden" is beginning in 5 minutes. For those of you that know more or have read my blog at all you know that I am completely obsessed with Reality TV, especially when it is primed for major drama. This looks to be the best one yet, my roommate described it as survivor temptation island, the best of both worlds. I expect hips to be girating and tongues to be titillating. So I must be off to appease my obsession with sexually generated drama. Oh yeah, don't be surprised to receive calls from my roommate tonight informing you that it is naked week because I can almost guarantee that you will. Anyhow it would be better than receiving all of those damn virus ridden e-mails that Ethan mentions in his blog. I thought I had found a way to avoid receiving that shit but once again it appears that almost everyone is smarter than me.